Some Day...


Green with envy as they say
But will it ever go away?

 

Feeling sick as they all cheer
Wrapped tightly, full of angst, full of fear

 

Fear that I'm not enough, that I'll be discarded, forgotten
When they outshine me with their glitz and glam, I'll just be the Apple that's rotten

 

I want to be happy for everyone else, they deserve all they get
Except such news drops a wet towel on my heart, an inextricable net

 

Accept what I cannot change, let go and let be
But I feel trapped in the past and those thoughts horrify me

 

Yes things were tough, bad and then worse
But I'm not there anymore, I climbed that mountain, lifted that curse

 

And yet I still feel stuck, undone, as if with a hole
My longing for acceptance, approval and constant affirmation has taken its toll

 

While I know I am loved and I do love thee
What I lack and others attain puts them ahead in the game of life and they will surpass me

 

I want it all yesterday and then maybe I could share
Now when others grow, accomplish, or create, my hole just continues to tear

 

The knife feels deep, reminding me of what I've done wrong and all that is missing
I try to focus on the people I love, places I've seen and many pretty things, but the fear revolts in uprising

 

It creates a person I dont like, someone I do not want to be
For there is light inside, compassion, kindness and care; I just need to the key

 

Compare and despair, I am living proof
SO can I make a change, raise this suffocating roof?

 

Fake it till you make it, that might help me on my way
Breathe deep; be grateful, and present, then maybe some day...

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